"Charlie's Cat Tails" By: Charlie Read online



  Charlie's Cat Tails

  Written by: Charlie B. Hawkins

  Artwork by: Diddy K. Hawkins and Charlie

  In case you're wondering, yes, I'm a cat. You may think that I'm lazy and I don't get around much. But I'm not. In fact, I've been lots of places. Mountains, Sky scrapers, TV and film studios, The beach and other places too. But that was all before I became a house cat. *AHEM* I mean, Professional House Cat. Anyways, this is a set of stories written by me in no particular order. Yes I wrote them, I'm also a comedian, and an author, and a basketball team manager, and… Well… You get the idea. All these stories incorporate my adventures as a traveling comedian, they may or may not be true. So, let's just get on with this already.

  Dedicated to: Grandpa. For always opening doors for me when Dad won't.

  Happy New Year

  You may be wondering "How do cats celebrate the new year?" If you are wondering that, then you may need to get a life. I'm now wondering why in the world you'd be wondering about that, but I digress… Around two or so years ago I threw a wild New Year's party. No Dogs invited. We had catnip and cat food…

  AND MILK… On the guest list was my cousin Even, My Grandfather Chester, my Sister Sunna, her husband Mr. Fluffy and my nephew Casey. Casey wouldn't have been invited if not for the fact Sunna couldn't leave him home alone (he's a rambunctious cat which is too old to act as young as he does). We all slept for hours. It was wild, a very memorable time indeed. Except at two thirty in the morning, long after the big ball dropped in New York (or at least I think it dropped; we slept through it so I can't remember), My annoying nephew woke me up. "Uncle Charlie!" He shout whispered as he shook me. I laid on the floor, curled up by the fire as usual. (a New Year's tradition) His orange striped paws wouldn't give up, he kept shaking me until woke up in shock. "Casey! What's the matter!?" I stood up and asked him. My living room was still filled with Christmas decorations, I was too lazy to take them down so I decided to wait until after the New Year started. We stood among the other cat bodies laying curled up on the carpet deep in a cat nap. " We've got a serious problem Uncle Charlie!" He told me frantically, but quietly so that he didn't wake up the others. "What is it?! Can't it wait until tomorrow?" I asked Casey, moaning from exhaustion. "It is tomorrow!" He held up a Smartphone with his left paw to show me that it was 3:30 in the morning on January 1st . "OH." I exclaimed. "Fine then, what's the matter?" I asked frustrated. "Come with me." He told me, I followed him, stepping over his father and his grandfather who was cuddling his cane as he slept. We crept up the stairs and down the hallway. He stopped walking and turned around to look at me. "What?" I figured he wanted something. "Shhh, listen." He ordered. At first I heard nothing, then came a long gurgling sound. *Gruggleruglegrrrglee!*

  I had no Idea what it could be. "What do you think it is?" My nephew asked me cowering in fear. "Probably the wind." I bluntly said, thinking he'd leave me alone after that. But he turned on his Smartphone and looked at it saying "The forecast doesn't say anything about wind. " I rolled my eyes and said "AUGH!!!

  I'm going to kill that phone!"

  We strolled a bit further, I led the way for my scaredy-cat nephew, I had to keep pulling him off of me. "Get off!" I'd yell as I yanked him out of his hug. Then he'd say "But I'm scared!" and he'd hug me again. This process made the simple task of walking down the hall very hard for me. I wobbled and flopped against the walls; trying to regain my balance. Knocking a couple of hanging picture frames to the ground, shattering a couple of priceless memories due to my nephew's annoying childlike mind. We were nearly to the window at the end of the hall when we heard the noise again and froze still. It was much louder this time. We knew we must be closer to the source of the sound. "Eiiiieehhhhhehhh."

  Casey cried hanging onto me for dear life. The two of us looked back and forth, we spotted an cracked open door to our right… I scooted closer to it, Casey held my legs together in a hug so I was forced to scoot. Whe finally got to the doorway, Casey climbed up on top of my head and held his eyes closed whining and whimpering. "Big Baby." I mumbled under my breath as I stumbled through the door. The sound stopped. Whatever it was it knew we were there with it now. The weird gurgling sound had stopped for a bit. Then came a growling sound, starting quietly then growing louder… Sort of like a…. DOG!!